I finally feel like I have my life here figured out, I mean more or less. There will always be those moments that remind you that, although you have been here for 6 1/2 months, you still lack the lifetime of experience of those around you.
Those moments such as when the sunlight has already gone and you are riding back from Ibarra after Spanish class; drifting away into daydreams, yet being pulled back to reality by momentary spurts of anxiety that you may have missed your stop.
Or perhaps the moment when a conversation turns to something unfamiliar: botanical gardens, obscure animals, ect.. and I am struggling to understand the conversation like I was in my first few days.
Many modern day phycologists describe the highest point on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs as “flow.” Although I wouldn’t claim to be living in that state right now (with my many remaining difficulties), I think that this is the closest I have come in my life so far. The hard times and struggles I had at the beginning here seem to have all been leading up to an explosion of learning and loving in these final moments.
For example in dance, after many weeks of failed teaching strategies and denials, I finally have a regular class. I have quite a few performances this month, maybe just a little to many, but I am loving every minute of it. In addition, I have started teaching dance in the University of Yachay and Ibarra as well.
But it seems like all of these performances are approaching too fast. It seems impossible that this last month is already almost over. In some ways I think the closeness of our departure allows me to more fully appreciate this experience. In many ways this year is like all of our lives. We are blessed with the most spectacular opportunities but we don’t appreciate many of them until they are already over. I feel like an old man at the end of his life reminiscing on what once was.
I feel like I have lived my whole life in this one year. I appreciate mortality like I never did before. And right now my life is in a Renaissance. I am growing and developing and loving in new ways every day, each moment is valuable and full with so few left.