‘The Conscious Contortion of Writers’ Application

“And the day came when the risk to remain in a tight bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin

January 14, 2016

Dear Ms. Writer’s Block:

Thank you for your application to be a Poet-in-Residence at The Conscious Consortium of Writers. While we appreciate the efforts placed forth towards assembling a portfolio, we found it tedious to rummage through countless ‘corrupt files’ and pleading emails. Unfortunately, regardless of your attempt to complete the application three days pass the deadline, we regret to inform you that we have decided not to select you for this year’s panel.

You did not inquire for feedback on your submission, but we feel it is dire in this case to do so. Please consider the following suggestions in the near future:

  1. We were startled by the amount of emails you sent us regarding feelings of lethargy. If you happen to not be able to produce your best work now, we encourage you to experiment with other hobbies. For instance, origami is a great way to recycle all the pages you’ve torn out your journal! Who knows, maybe the bird poem you attempted to write can be kneaded into a paper crane. (And not to mention: it’s a better pastime than endless sobbing!)
  2. We do not need to know how many hours you spent crafting a piece. Nonetheless, we believe thirteen is an incredibly unhealthy number. Please get some rest.
  3. Each time we had informed you about ‘corrupt files’, you had either delayed a response or sent us the same file. Mind you, we have witnessed this trick play out in previous years. If you needed more time to finalize your portfolio, we would have been more than willing to extend the deadline a day or two if you had asked… though you had authorized that decision independently.
  4. Lastly, we are welcoming of poets who utilize an alternative byline in place of their legal names… though you lacked creativity inventing one. I mean, come on, “Writer’s Block”?

As exhibited among these points, accountability was the main criteria that led us to reject your application. We hope you found this helpful, and we wish you the best of luck in your forthcoming literary ventures.


Momo Manalang R.
Admission Director

The Conscious Consortium of Writers