Only For Today

Brianna Torres - India


October 24, 2019

I can sit patiently and enjoy the company around me
staying true to exactly who they are, doing exactly what they do
but that would only remind that I have forgotten who I am or perhaps just who I wanted to be
something I hate to admit really
because, like today, I am left alone to think and well… I have to many questions to think about
still- i can not help but to enjoy the company around me and so: I am reminded.

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today I am also reminded that I have so much to do
so much time on my hands wasted by day-dreaming and silence
although I never really get silence, so why not offer it to myself, right
but for whatever reason that takes my train of thought to: I am lonely
well actually I only FEEL lonely
only for today
because if I would get up and go outside I would be anything but alone
the dogs barking, the horns honking, the people shouting 
for what can seem to be for no reason at all 
if you are here long enough
you know it will be strange if this wasn't the case
nonetheless this is how I feel despite the reality
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I know that this may seem more like a contridicting rant, which it may be, but don't get me wrong… I really do love being here in India. I thought I'd write about how I am feeling today because it has been different than what I have been feeling since being here. 
Every time I attempt to write I feel like I have nothing meaningful to say. I've been in Pune for less than a month and already so much has happened. 
But even then, I don't think I have the words to describe what this experience has been like so far. 
•More to come•

Brianna Torres