Mi tiempo casi se ha terminado aquĆ­…

Meliza Windmoeller - Ecuador


April 4, 2013

Right now I’mĀ sitting at the mall in Riobamba, and I’m reading over the blogs that haveĀ accumulated over the past 7 months. We have roughly 1 week left in our sitesĀ before we are taken from the lives we have gotten to know and love – forever.Ā So right now, I’m just sitting here pondering how much everything hasĀ changed… how much I have changed. I will be completely honest. When I firstĀ came to Ecuador, I didn’t believe that I was going to change as a person. IĀ wanted to be the change. Change the world with what… I am not exactly sure, butĀ I knew I wanted to change lives.

NowĀ that I look back on it…nobody should ever have this outlook when they areĀ going to live in a country they have never been to before. This is such anĀ American attitude to have! We believe that with all of our fancy gadgets, ourĀ schooling, and the dollar bill signs in our pockets, we are automaticallyĀ qualified to walk into any other culture and basically force our way on theĀ people. This year has made this extremely clear to me. The “AmericanĀ Dream” is not everyone’s dream, and who are we to waltz in and try toĀ erase the rich culture and ways of the indigenous people? It’s simple – ourĀ excuse is always to ā€œmake the world a better place.ā€ But to try to do this in aĀ short amount of time is impossible, and it is in my opinion something that allĀ volunteers learn abroad.Ā  Change comes inĀ baby steps. We are but helping to pave the road of the future, and we have toĀ learn to accept we are not God.

MostĀ of us feel we are self-sufficient and independent. In the US we move aroundĀ confidently, fluent in the language, and we feel our knowledge is alwaysĀ superior to our neighbor. What a reality check I got upon my arrival inĀ Ecuador. Ā I began turning into aĀ different girl the moment I stepped off the plane in Quito August 29th,Ā 2012. Barely sufficient in Spanish, I realized I also had no clue how toĀ navigate this monster city, how to act, or how life worked here inĀ general.Ā  I had to rely on other people everyĀ day, and to me, this was a huge step in my character transition. I learned it’sĀ okay not to know everything, to ask for help, and to not be ashamed when IĀ didn’t automatically know an answer. I was ā€œbrought down a pegā€ as they say,Ā while l got accustomed to taking life one day at a time.Ā  My life was drastically moving down aĀ different path and at that moment in time, and I was still clueless to all theĀ changes to take place yet.

TheĀ next step, the move to our host sites, was definitely when this all startedĀ occurring to me; especially the fact that I probably wasn’t going to change theĀ world. Ā Living in Napo showed me IĀ definitely had a lot to learn about…well everything. The ways of life shockedĀ me to my very core, and I didn’t know about the customs or dynamic of my hostĀ family. My job was confusing (A health position at a local clinic) and aĀ whirlwind of Spanish that I wasn’t prepared for. Everyone seemed to expect me to know what to do immediately, and for my Spanish to be prefect considering IĀ was born in Colombia.Ā  To say I wasĀ feeling stressed and lost was definitely an understatement.Ā  For the next couple days/weeks (the timeĀ blurs together), I felt like I was constantly in a haze of stupidity. IĀ couldn’t seem to do anything right, and I felt like a disappointment toĀ everyone around me.Ā  I had lost my happy ā€˜IĀ can do anything’ outlook on life and instead had fallen into a reserved, I onlyĀ spoke when spoken to attitude.Ā  But then,Ā one day at work everything changed. So far, I had only been allowed to watchĀ the procedures on patients, but nobody had actually bothered explaining whatĀ they were doing to me.Ā  This day thoughĀ as I arrived for work, I noticed my supervisor and another doctor loadingĀ medicines along with other equipment in to her car. I hadn’t been anywhere withĀ anyone from my subcentro and I was bored stiff, so I went out on a limb andĀ asked if I could be included in what they were doing.Ā Ā The response: Por supuestoĀ  Meli!, Āæpor quĆ© no le preguntaste antes?Ā (OfĀ course Meli! Why didn’t you ask sooner?) We went to a colegio (high school) inĀ a neighboring community to give the kids checkups and prescribe medications forĀ parasites and ulcers. The doctors let me help them and patiently went over whatĀ I was supposed to do multiple times.Ā  IĀ felt for the first time since coming to the Amazon that I was being useful inĀ my apprenticeship, and it happened because I had made it happen. I had brokenĀ out of my shell I had myself in and opened my mind and heart to newĀ experiences, and the acceptance that I needed these people to live happily here.Ā I had finally found my place.

Unfortunately,Ā when life seems to be going well something usually is wrong, or about to goĀ very wrong. In late January, I delt with a very hard situation that is veryĀ personal to me and I do not feel like going into major details. But the endingĀ result was that I was to be moved families, jobs, and provinces.Ā  My new home is a town named Guamote, in theĀ province of Chimborazo about an hour away from the capital city of Riobamba.Ā For those of you who don’t know, Chimborazo is a very cold region, with weatherĀ that uncannily mimics Wisconsin’s.

ToĀ say in the least, I am relatively happy here. I am still deeply saddened I wasĀ taken from the place I had finally been able to call home, but this is givingĀ me experiences other fellows do not get to have. I have lived in and learnedĀ the ways of both the amazon and sierra regions, been a part of two regionalĀ teams, gotten a chance to form bonds with new Ecuadorians, and been made aĀ stronger person.

ButĀ unfortunately, our time is just about up in the wonderful country, and this isĀ my last blog post.Ā  My feelings at thisĀ moment in time are extremely mixed, and probably very unstable. My mind andĀ heart are having conflicts on a daily basis, and I can never seem to come upĀ with a compromise. I think about how my life has differed over these past 8Ā months from the friends I left behind in the states, and how my life could haveĀ been if I had not chosen to take a bridge year. I cannot speak for anyone else,Ā but I am extremely glad I have these experiences tucked safely away in myĀ heart, memories I will never forget. Ecuador has changed me as a person, andĀ now it is my time to go share what I have learned; to play my part in unlockingĀ a lifetime of potential for America’s future generations.

Thank you.

Meliza Windmoeller