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Labeling Myself

I do this thing where I label myself- Extrovert, ENFP, Sagittarius, Advocate, Actress, Girl.  Every trait or behavior that I have ever manifested, every emotion that I have ever experienced has been thoroughly analyzed and neatly placed into one of the myriad categories that I use to define myself.  And if it doesn’t fit, it isn’t valid.

For the most part, I have no problems.  If anything, my obsession with compartmentalizing myself often gives people the impression that I’m special.  I’m frequently dubbed as “self-aware” and occasionally sought out for my “insight and intuitive nature.”  The truth is, I hide behind my labels.  They mask a desperate craving for control and constant understanding, a fear of change, and a lack of faith in the universe/my own abilities.  With the labels, I become hyper- aware of my motives and desires and this self-accountabiltiy relieves me.  Why? Because I do not believe I can lead a successful life if I just let myself be.

There are times when I actually fool myself into thinking that I have it—that is, myself and my place in the world—all figured out.  But of course, I don’t.  No matter how many hours I spend taking personality tests, no matter how often I brainstorm all of my possible life courses, no matter how sure I am of the person I am today, everything could shift in an instant…

…which terrifies me.  But it’s also the very reason I’m taking this gap year.  I’m taking a year to be uncomfortable, to step boldly into the flames of confusion, to challenge and surpass what I know to be my limits.  Most of all, I’m taking a year to start from scratch- to put myself in an entirely new context and become secure in the person I am, without the labels.  Of course, I will also be exploring my passions, learning a language, forming relationships, and allowing the world to expand my humanity.  But at the root of it all, I am taking a year to let myself be.

And I am VERY excited.

Emily Hwang

About Emily Hwang


An active member of her community, Emily has worked with such organizations as Girls Inc., NEDA, and Girls Helping Girls in an effort to empower young women to become confident, effective agents of social change. She was an involved and dedicated leader in her high school, where she gave much of her time to a student-run Peer Support group as well as to the Drama Department. Her passions include theatre, women's empowerment, literature, and psychology.

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