I came into Brazil with a ton of expectations that I didn’t even know I had. I had this image that my life was suddenly just magically going to change for the better. And i’m not going to lie, it has in some ways. While in others it’s remained the same as before.
I’m going to lose so much weight.
I’m going to eat healthier.
I’m going to exercise because image.
I’m going to buy a ton of clothes.
I’m going to tan and be BETTER.
I’m going to travel.
I’m going to live off of beaches.
I’m going to make only Brazilian friends.
I’m rarely ever going to be home.
I had these expectations and wants but it wasn’t until I found myself at the beach today for the first time willingly without Global Citizen Year taking me that I realized I had accomplished none. Rather I have sat around at home because it’s too hot or it’s raining. I have waited around to be invited out rather than taking myself out. I’m too afraid to leave because I wouldn’t know where to go or what to do.
Being in Brazil hasn’t made me change physically although it has opened up my eyes to my reality back home. I had it all. I worked two jobs and was able to pay for my own wants and needs. I had a car to take me around town and even drive hours away when I wanted to escape. But most importantly I had the people in my life that no matter the time of day were willing to do things with me. Whether that be hit the gym at 2 in the morning or go to a view spot, eat tacos and get personal about life.
I’ve built friendships here and met people who I admire. I have seen beautiful people and tried new things but I’ve learned that home is irreplaceable. That longing to get away all my childhood has been proved to be a want that has shown me value. I don’t want to keep running away. I want to travel and met people. I want to do things and be a little crazier. A little more into my stretch zone so that I can be happy I tried something new. I want to succeed at what I love and love what I do because life is so short to dread. I don’t want to mope. I want to celebrate because every day is a blessing and it wasn’t until I left that I learned why I’m really here right now in Brazil.
Life isn’t going to magically change. You aren’t magically going to become the person you have always dreamed about. It takes time unfortunately, but that time is worth the wait because the longer you wait, the more you learn about yourself. Some day you might become the person you’ve wanted to become whether that be internally or physically. Whatever it is, it is possible. But it takes time and a lot of effort on your behalf. Or maybe somewhere along the way you’ll accept the person you are and the person you may become. All you have to do is learn to love yourself and love yourself better than anyone else ever could.