In the Present

Rebeca Espinosa - Brazil


August 23, 2019

When I left home for a small boarding school in the mountains of New Mexico, I didn't realize what I was doing until I was 30,000 feet in the air and in utter panic. Had I, a few weeks earlier, realized that I would never truly live with my family again, I might have backed away from the exciting, adventurous, and recognizably scary future that lay in wait. Yet, there was no going back.   
 
I have long since realized that I often overthink, over investigate, and generally over-analyze any kind of new experience. In the past, I would even sometimes built up such high expectations of a place that disappointment was only inevitable.
 
Eventually, I taught myself to take a step back. I no longer researched every detail until I could describe a place that I had never been to. I no longer spent long hours thinking of everything that could go wrong. Instead, I let myself enjoy and be present in the life that I was living and wait until I actually entered the new experience to learn all about it.
 
So, in knowing that my next eight months of my life in a new country I choose to distance myself from overthinking. I have not read through the different blogs about fellows experiences in Brazil. I didn’t join the fellow Facebook group. And, in truth, I probably know a lot less Portuguese than I should. But, I lived and felt every moment of my last few months as a high school senior and I spent much overdue time with my family this summer. And, just as I’ve lived vibrantly in these last few months, I will be just as present when I arrive in Brazil.  

Rebeca Espinosa