I’m not really sure how I feel right now? Frazzled?

Maxx H. Jordan Espinosa - Ecuador


August 28, 2015

I looked down from the video titled “instructions for a bad day” and leaned over to the girl next to me. “I almost put my glasses on, thought I felt a tear”. She just looked at me unimpressed… As I looked around I saw a fellow, hunched over in his chair covering his face sobbing. Other fellows were holding each other in an embrace comforting one another. I sat there, taking it in, reflecting on my indifference. Later that night was the fellow’s talent show. So many of my new brothers and sisters were showcasing their passions and differences proudly. When asked by one of the alumni why I wasn’t in the talent show I joked that I had no talents. I’m not sure why I joked because I genuinely had no talents…
I had dedicated my time in high school to sports and pursuing girls. Now that was all gone, what was left? I had always been told that pursuing arts and music was “uncool”. I had let the stigma of my peers and the opinions of others put me in a box. I liked shakespeare, I enjoyed dancing but never saw them as my calling cause I couldn’t be… cool (I guess) at the same time.
This Is a new start for me. To learn about the world and where I fit in it. With nothing to lose at this point but everything to gain.
informally:
Sitting in Dallas rewriting this blog is just what the doctor order for calming my nerves. Kamila is making fun of my blog post:( and talking about her camera, $700 worth of blurry photos #Privileged. Of all the people I’ve called at this point my two best friends were the only ones who gave me sound advice. “Don’t die” & “Forget everyone else, this is your time and you need to do it for you”. I almost cried trying to watch a disney movie on the flight here, so I guess I could be considered on edge. My sister told me I was a shitty person before I left and over the past week of PDT I realized she’s kinda right so my goal is to be a better person while not becoming a pretentious hipster. Lastly, mom, sorry for everything but I’m gonna make you proud.
Bye America/friends/family! see you eventually.

 

Maxx H. Jordan Espinosa