I Can’t Believe I Wrote That.

Today Tori Hogan was here at Ions leading a session on Media Training during which we discussed filming, photographing, and blogging about our experiences in the coming year.

Tori asked who among us had prior experience in any of these arenas and it caused me to remember that in middle school I actually did have a blog that I wrote in very regularly, without any notion of balancing my voice with an overarching purpose. Additionally, I had been thinking lately that the really formal way I approach this blog might be getting in the way of how well you get to know me through reading my posts. So in the interest of finding a way to better represent my voice in my blog posts for the coming year, I decided to rediscover what my uninhibited 13-year-old voice had been like, since I remember my middle school blog as being a great outlet. I also remember spending a great deal of time on my blog, picking out fonts, text colors, re-reading previous posts, and just generally being over pleased with myself. What I couldn’t remember was what I wrote about, which seems odd, since what you write is what makes a blog meaningful. But anyway…

After typing in the HTML that I honestly believed had long ago been scrapped into some great cyber trash can, I was surprised to find all my ramblings still intact, still colorful, and… totally idiotic. Most of my blog posts were not even my own words, but song lyrics, transcriptions of “Comedy Central Presents”, unintelligible shoutouts to my friends, or pictures of smiley faces I made with various configurations of Runts candies. When I did include an original thought, it was typically written in the sickeningly annoying voice of an 8th grader who thought she was all too suave. Here’s one of the few semi-tolerable posts from September 2004:

I’m in 8th grade now which seems totally wrong- it seems exactly like 7th w/ less people…. I def. don’t have as much time to chill as i did last year but it’s still good. I made the volleyball team and our record is 5-1 that rocks! it’s so much fun but i really miss soccer. i can’t wait to go to hs- it’ll be so different and i’ll have to say goodbye to everyone that i’ve known for so long- not really a happy thing.

What really interests me is that although I find the blog to be amusing/revolting… it carries within it topics that still occupy my mind in some form today. The discomfort that comes with transitioning from one phase in my life to another, the concern over having to say goodbye to people I love, trying and enjoying new things while still valuing and missing old ones.

What I have gleaned is that what is important is that what I am writing now has true meaning to me; I may look back later and recognize the wisdom in some words and the naivete in others, but at least these words and experiences are my own. And I am getting to share them with you.