“I want my own things/ how i lived them/
& give me my
memories/ how i waz when i waz there/ you cant have them or do nothin wit them/”
-ntozake shange. “For coloured girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow is enuf”
9am: Wake up
9am-10:30am: Get Sunday ready
10:30am-11am: Drive to church
11am-1pm: Sit in church
1pm-1:30pm: Talk with my church family
1:30pm-2pm: Drive home
2pm-whenever: Family time
Being raised in a religious family this was my schedule mostly every Sunday. It was routine….up until August 19th, 2012 Sunday was the day I went to church no matter what I did the night before. So as you could imagine abruptly breaking my routine was extremely hard for me to deal with. Being away from home in a different country and keeping my relationship with God was difficult.
Somewhere between home and Ecuador I lost my way; I became mean and short tempered, my self-esteem was lowered and I became unhappy and sad. I could honestly say I was lost and my faith was slipping. I began to cry constantly and complain… I was depressed. I didn’t know what to do; all I wanted to do was stay in bed and not get out. Every morning I dreaded getting up, everything that came out of my mouth was negative I was not the usual happy smiley Kalea… That girl was lost.
I let someone steal MY joy. But how could someone steal what belonged to me? No one could take what was mine and all I knew is I wanted it back. How could I go about getting it back? What could I do?
After suffering and being in this depressive state I realized to get my joy back and become the person I used to be I had to pray and I had to forgive. I had to remind myself of the one being that will never hurt me and will always be with me, my Heavenly Father. I also realized that I didn’t have to go to church to have a relationship with God, I just needed to continue to pray.
I had to renew my relationship with God, I had to get it back! I wasn’t going to let anyone and I mean ANYONE steal my joy. I wasn’t going to let the devil get away with stealing what was mine…nope… that was not happening. After these realizations I began to pray. Every night I pray, during the day I pray, I pray constantly.
So everyday as I pray, I thank God for waking me up. I pray for the health of my family and friends and even enemies I feel myself growing stronger and happier everyday. I feel my relationship with God grow more and more with each breath I take.
What I have realized through the last six months is that my circumstances will always change: they’ll be great, they’ll be bad, and they’ll be different. I realized that my happiness and joy shouldn’t be tied to my circumstances but rather to God and my faith in Him. I hope to carry this truth throughout my life and wherever I am in life.
“I Want It Back”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CT0SqO5VgVw
Side note: This is my last month here and we are required to do a final community project. For my project I chose to set up the kids I teach with a pen pal from the United States. For the rest of my school I wanted to give them all (81 students) notebooks that they can use for English (most of my kids do not have English notebooks). I would like to present the notebooks at a carnival style party I would like to have, with games, food and prizes. Through Global Citizen Year we are granted $50 dollars to complete our community project but I need your help! I set up a fundraising website where I can receive this money. Please help me make this final difference in my community. The link is below please spread the word! Thank you all for your consideration!