The sounds of gunshots ring out across the land as I weep in my bedroom; I am frightened to live in this war zone. No not at all. That sound was just a firework. Itajaí, in truth, is a mostly wonderful safe city. I walk by myself and feel totally in control. The busy busy port city is just large enough to keep you interested, but small enough to walk about without developing joint pains. The ocean is a 45-minute walk from my house. WOW! What a wonderful wind pattered beach to visit. There are nice birds by the water, and lots of flowers planted about the city in happy patterns. I saw an über realistic pepper shape yesterday, it could have been an advertisement for the chain restaurant “Chilis”.
The brightest gem in my days as of now, are the students in the school I volunteer at. Everyone in Brasil is the coolest person I have ever met. Even the dorky awkward people are better than the nerds back home. It is not the “cool” which makes me want to be the individual, rather it is the “cool” of high school; where I feel relaxed and happy when I am around the person because they have a joke ready, they are dressed for the occasion, of course they look good, and they can make the conversation turn into a happy funny dance. I frequently arrive to school depressed, questioning life’s purpose and return inspired by the lovely students.
I make grand plans all the time for marvelous things I will do, like make 12 batches of cookies while my family is sleeping so I can surprise them in the morning with the biggest bunch of cookies they have ever seen! I already did that horrible thing where you buy all the ingredients for cookies and then use salt instead of sugar. I did fulfill one grand dream of learning the violin while under a Brasilian sky. I understood little of my instructor’s words during the first lessons, but I could see his violin and it was gorgeous. Mine was handcrafted in CHINA! I heard Chinese crafted violins are some of the best of the twenty first century. No, Just kidding. The violin provides a friend for me who speaks my language. She’s a bit scratchy, but she will find a golden voice one day.
I experience dramatic changes in my emotions as the days and weeks evolve.
First I typically experience a feeling of inability.
At nine thirty this morning, I collapsed on my bed in tears; confused as to how I could possibly go to work or be responsible for any task in general. After wallowing and coloring a bit, I passed into a fit of anger.
During this period, I have to exercise to get out all the bad energy away from me.
Today during this stage I threw on some shoes and exited the house to take a spirited walk filled with irritated banter in my head between several different voices. Upon arriving at the school where I work and commencing conversation with the lovely teachers about mayonnaise, I passed into a jittery happy phase.
This is where I smile and my body shakes with relief of newfound gaiety. As I become more comfortable with the individuals and activities in my life, gaiety is increasingly the area in which I spend my time. Wahoo!
Finally, there are wonderful beautiful people here in Brasil.