20/20 Vision

Brittany Abelein - India


March 14, 2016

Are you alive? Are you really living? Yes, I know you have a pulse- but are you ALIVE?! What is the meaning of your life, or anything before this, has it mattered?

I’m suddenly brought back to reality as I splash cold water on my face, getting ready for another day to begin. I can’t escape these pestering questions that swirl through my mind like a tornado.

I look up from the sink and glance at myself in the mirror: I smile, but is this the fullest I can smile? I try to laugh, but is this laughter genuine? My heart is happy, but deep inside of me I know it is nowhere to being as full as it could be.

These, among others are what lead and created a desire for me to come to India.

    This year I have created a vision for myself. This year I want to be angry- I want to feel, I want to cry and be okay with it. I want to see and hear things that make me uncomfortable. I want to question, question everything! I long to have the mind of a child, curious about every single little thing. I want to be aware of my body, feelings and surroundings.

    I want to laugh, cry, and feel raw like dirt covering the earth. I want to be able to forgive. I want to love myself and others fully. I want to dance and sing, I want to be awkward and uncomfortable. I want to make strong connections.

    I want to be smothered in hugs, kisses, and “Namaste's” from family and neighbors I don’t know. I want to try everything, becoming addicted to pushing myself and boundaries.

I want to leave feeling torn- clinging onto my mama and papa's clothes, beginning them not to let me go.

I want to truly see the beauty in everything and look at everything as a learning experience.

I want to empower others, to learn from everyone, and take down my “mental and physical barriers”.

I want to be the best me.

Brittany Abelein