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Who Am I?

“I’m wild again, beguiled again, a whimpering, simpering child again.
Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered am I.”
-Kurt Vonnegut Jr (Timequake)

 

Who am I? What a superb question! I am quite glad that you asked! I am everything, and I am nothing at all. I am a convoluted knot of atoms, molecules, elements, and synapses. I am a human being and a human becoming. I am a bag of flesh housing a beating heart and other vital organs. At my best moments I am better than sliced bread! At my worst, I am a pair of eyes hidden beneath a comforter. Sometimes, I am an intrepid explorer and sometimes I am merely a visitor on the Intrepid battleship in New Jersey.

Here in Ecuador I am known by many names. I am Carleen (if you’re my Quito family), Jennifer (if you prefer my middle name), and Carl (if you’re a friend). Needless to say, I am often confused. In the day time I am awake and in the night, I am asleep. Once however, in the day time I was asleep which then made it difficult to be asleep in the night time but I am flexible so it worked out alright in the end. I am pretty laid back like that.

As far as appearance goes, I am noticeably white when I go out in public but also I am red from the relentless sun. Secretly, sometimes, I am yellow with fear in new situations or blue when I miss my home. At the discotheque I am purple, red, and aquamarine. Overall though, I am green with newness and expectation.

At times, I am deeper than the ocean and enjoy contemplating the universe and life itself. At other, unrelated, times, I am puzzled by the simple action of washing dishes. I am a blank slate devoid of use in this new environment but I am learning! I am studying and reading and exploring and stumbling over unfamiliar words and sounds. I am making a fool of myself and I am laughing harder than I ever have before. I am forming connections with strangers, with new family members, and with friends. I am constantly absorbing and adapting.

I guess I am rambling a bit, but the truth is, I don’t truly know who I am. I am attempting to find myself on this journey and I am relishing every second. I am wearing alpaca sweaters and eating bizarre fruits. I am playing with orphans in convents and chasing turkeys in my backyard. I am a source of food and warmth to a kitten and a sorcerer in my imagination. I am a sister, an aunt, a friend, a confidante, and occasionally, a terrible salsa dancer. But above all else, I am happy and I am complete. And that is all I have ever aspired to be.

Carly Sitrin

About Carly Sitrin


Hailing from Hillsborough, New Jersey, Carly served as Public Relations officer for her high school's chapter of the National Honor Society and was voted "Most Likely to Make a Difference" by her peers. An active tree climber and food eater, she believes in living life to the fullest. She loves volunteering in her community with Habitat for Humanity and attends Buddhist retreats in her spare time.

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