I can truly say I have mixed emotions about leaving. Im happy I’m returning to Philly to see my friends and family´, but I also don’t want to leave the home and family I have here. I’m scared of how people will look at me when I leave, because I know how I am. I get really emotional and I know I’m going to cry. I’m afraid my family won’t even care I’m leaving. I feel like we’re close´, but I wonder sometimes if I’m close enough with them that they will feel sad when I leave. I knew I would have to leave and feel all these emotions, but I didn’t expect it to be this hard because I didn’t think I would get as close to them as I did.
I think about who I want to say goodbye to, so many names come to mind. But until now I was thinking I’ll just let my family plan something for me. I had this mindset because I had this fear of facing the reality saying goodbye to me isn’t as important to them as it is for me. When I think of saying good-bye, I can feel little tears fighting to get free. But I get rid of those tears really quick by thinking about the time I still have left to take advantage of.
If I could put someone in my pocket and take them home, it would be my cousin Jonah . He’s a two-year-old boy who has made such an impact on me. If someone told me that the person who I would grow closest to only was two, I would have had a really hard time stopping myself from laughing. But even though it might seem unlikely, Jonah is a big reason why sometimes when I was so close to having a breakdown I didn’t. There are times when I was really sad and unsure of myself, but I would see Jonah and he would smile, make me laugh, and everything was ok again. Without even trying and knowing what he’s doing, he makes a big impact on me.