The phrase that keeps going through my head? It feels like a dream. When I actually say it out loud, I am referencing how surreal it is to be leaving my host family and Senegal – a fact that I have known, but something that was never quite manifest throughout this journey. When I think about my time here, it is just as much of a dream – weaved of those sublime tales that only comes from the caverns and crevices of one’s imagination, not the actualities of reality.
Where I am now – leaving my host family tomorrow, then all of Senegal, to reuniting with the other fellows and then my friends and family – is a whirlpool. There is quite a concoction of emotion in that one run-onish sentence. Sometimes I almost feel nothing- a void of waiting, leaving, and the unknown there as a blank gray slate for the colors of moments un-had to be painted on. Then there are those small blips when really nothing has happened. Perhaps a small phone call about dinner – nothing really, save a voice. In that instant, my mind is lost in my heart with my throat caught in between. It is a grace of gratitude for all of the moments that have fallen onto my path, full of the happy heartache that accompanies the past tense of each and every one.
Pardon me if you catch me in either state. I know it’s not exactly the description of a stable person. Dreams aren’t stabilizing things though. They throw you up into the clouds, roll you through the flowers, and let you fly. Many thanks. Many hopes. More dreams.