My place at the table

My place at the table

I am unsure of what I am feeling. Could this be what culture shock feels like? That every time one of these people with whom I live, open their mouths, I sit there with my hands in my lap, with nothing to say, no way of saying it. We went to visit “abuela” (grandmother), and it was there where I felt terrified. I thought that she must be thinking “estupido” (stupid) or something related to this word. I felt overwhelmed… The amount of times just today that I have said perdon (excuse me), and not because I didn’t here, but because I could not understand anything. It’s as if I was trying another time to try and find at least one word in the entire sentence which I could depict, but alas, my response would always just end up being “no entiendo” (i do not understand). I also know that I am being too harsh maybe on myself, because this is but merely day 1, however I can’t help but think “What am I doing here? This is difficult and I don’t even know if I am capable of all of this. Will I make it? Will I actually learn to speak Spanish within these next few months? What could I have been doing at home? Is this what “culture shock” feels like? All the training and experience that i thought I had on “culture shock”, was simply thrown off a cliff, and I was so unsure of my true intentions of being here, in Ecuador, being a fellow.

” **sigh**

(So today is a week since I wrote that and I must say. I am doing better. I made it. 6th December made it a week since I have been living with my new family. It has been tough, but i would like to think that the worst is over. I hope.!!!)

And so when we got back home, I came and sat down, ready for dinner, and somehow I just found myself sitting on the same spot I sat for lunch that same day, and I have been sitting on that exact same seat ever since. This made me realise that I don’t have to put so much strain on myself. That if I just stopped for a second and look at how far I’ve grown in this 1 week, I will be able to see just that. And as I am doing this right now, I am realising how confident I have become. I still feel shy about my level of Spanish, but strangely I feel a little bit more liberated to actually say if I do not understand, and besides, if I don’t have a growth mindset about this, then I doubt I would be able to learn not only the language, but the culture as well.

                                                                                                             I’m Dunn



There are no comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *