My Finding of Certainty in Uncertainty

Mila Le - Ecuador


September 18, 2015

 

In a cage, I never knew any better…

Than to work only with things given to me

To sleep, eat, and learn in the same place

Imprints of iron bars defacing my skin

Years after years

Outside this cage existed no house I wanted to belong to

This house was not a home

All my years I’ve spent here, and I cried for new

I was a by-stander and a pressured participant

Yearning for salvation

And craving to prove my worth

Wishing to see outside this cluttered mess

 

And so

I filed down the chains until I broke free

I shook off the demons who had my neck in their hands

I ran with callused feet that hoped to feel green grass

I desired to get lost and then find me on my own

I ended up here

 

I was scared

I am still scared

Of my expectations and the expected unknown

Of intentions, surprises and shaky hands

That feeling of unsureness and insecurity

Washes over me and drowns into my head

 

But

I think I know why I’m here

And at times I really don’t, but now

I do

And it’s to be free from the cage

Where I felt so stuck and confused

To influence myself and to let go

Of everything that threw me into walls

This time is just for me to be the best me I can become

Note: I’ve been feeling a lot of confusion and anxiety. I think it’s because I never knew what to tell someone about how I felt this whole time in country and that I’ve never know what to say, especially now. I believe this piece of mine is exactly what I’m feeling and I can’t find a better way to express it. It has been hard for me to feel connected with some of these amazing people in my cohort, only because I don’t think I formulate the right words to say right away. To my cohort, who hasn’t heard me speak a lot and maybe wondering why, I want to let you know I’m going to be have the confidence in my own truths and show you this side of me in person one day. Til’ then I hope you are reading my blog posts. Thank you!

 

Mila Le