Limbo

Molly Owens - Ecuador


March 20, 2012

With only a month left before leaving the place that has become my home over the last six months, my feelings seem to be spread all over the place. The moment I had so longed for at the rough beginning is finally here, and now, I’m not so sure I want it to be. Naturally I’m thrilled about the thought of being back with friends and loved ones, but then I think back to the new ones I have made here. My family in the States will always be there but when will I get to see my Ecuadorian family again? Will I be forgotten over time despite the fact that I know they will live on in my heart forever? I’m trying to hang on to every moment but the ticking clock in the corner of my mind is ever present. I can feel this beautiful life here slipping away from me. I know that the goodbyes are going to be unimaginably sad even with my truest intention to return again someday. If I could have it my way, I would come home for a few months to the States to visit, and then promptly get back on a flight to Ecuador for another six months, bringing with me those who I was to share this country with. I know this is an impossibility, yet I refuse to not let it be true. Some days when I realize how little time I truly have left, I just start tearing up for no reason. I could be laughing with my sisters or dancing with my friends or tickling my little brother and a cold wave passes over me reminding me that it isn’t going to last forever. A month isn’t the shortest increment of time, but looking back at my time here and how quickly it flew by, it is scary how it can, and will, feel like nothing but a minute before it’s over. So here I am, stuck, in this in-between place of excitement and dread as my time in Ecuador comes to a close. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I guess the only thing to do is be present in every moment and cherish every hug, laugh, and tickle fight because this is a unique time that certainly won’t ever come around again.

Gracias Mami, ñaños, Papi, y mis amigos increíbles. No voy a olvidarles ni las memorias que hemos creado juntos aquí en Ecuador.

Molly Owens