Leaving my Reverie

For the past 26 days that I have been out of school, 21 have been spent working at Camp Alice Chester as K/PA (Kitchen/Program Assistant). I’ve been going to camp since I was seven and especially since I started my volunteer year there, 2 years ago, it’s been a key part of my life. It’s been a place for me to grow in my team building, my appreciation for nature, and my passion for working with children.

Camp doesn’t feel like real life. It’s an alternative universe of Girl Scout songs, sunrise hikes, staying up with co-counselors laughing about literally anything. The atmosphere is so positive and energizing for me. I’m being active, I’m bonding with girls, I’m in nature, I feel at home in my bizarre reverie.

As amazing as it is, I find it so superior to doing paperwork and forms I need to complete for this year’s voyage to Ecuador that I start putting off tasks and procrastinating incredibly important forms. I do the bare minimum of work and rush back to live in the intoxicating camp atmosphere.

I didn’t really recognize what I was doing until this week, where I’m not working, when  I came to face all the fundraising work I need to do and realized that an entire month of time has gone by. I am losing precious time and am not planning or working as hard as I should be. The combination of my anxiety for this coming year as well as my fear of failure has led to this current state of affairs, but I’m glad I’ve finally recognized this is the path I’m going down.

It is a hard, gross truth, but finally I can come to a solution: I’m going to work harder than ever. I’m so honored to be part of this program. Not doing my best to fundraise and provide this possibility to next year’s Fellows is incredibly disappointing. I’ve started to write up my timelines for events and other fundraising efforts.

I believe in the dream. I want to get as much done as soon as possible, as then I can go back to my safe haven in camp, and enjoy my summer in America before I must go!