So where do I find myself at this very moment? Well I can say that I am now sort of feeling at home, I have started calling my host mom just ‘mom’, and well Spanish, yeah that’s still tough. I had my birthday on Saturday the 10th of October- yay happy birthday to me- but still I have this feeling as though I am waiting for something to actually happen to me.
The month of October has had me in this state where I am unsure of a lot of things. I am unsure if my apprenticeship will ever reach that point where I can actually learn, or whether I’ll be stuck just showing up. I am unsure if wether saying I’ll become fluent in Spanish over the course of 4 months is indeed a reasonable goal. I wonder often if I’ll ever take on something else in my community rather then just go to work, and come home whilst I wait for the different meals. Well I guess by the definition of limbo, I am in an intermediate state.
This month, Global Citizen Year has decided to leave us all without any activities or anything of that sort to do. In the past months, and those to come, we see a lot of interaction with the cohort. We have our first training seminar coming up in November, followed by the festive season in December. After this we have our independent travel days, with training seminars 2 and 3, and not even to mention the regional reconnects and so forth for next year prior to our return to California. However October, nada. Zilch. I sometimes lie in bed and wonder what I am waiting for. I sometimes feel though the reason I applied for Global citizen year has not yet revealed itself to me. I know upon acceptance to the program, I was extremely excited, though I did not know why. And now I sit here and I can’t help but feel as though this limbo has me stuck thinking about this very reason day in and day out.
I am trying to follow Alexander’s advice on “living in the moment”, but somehow I can’t help but live in a state of looking forward to the next big event that will take place in my year. Like in 2 weeks its Enrique Iglesias’ show, and a week after that Gabriella’s birthday. 2 weeks after that its Training Seminar 1, and so it goes, on and on and on. I struggle focusing on what I have now, and where I am in this moment. Finding something else to do in my community is a lot harder then it sounds as well, and even though so many more opportunities, like dancing etc. can be found in Cuenca, our hub city, I don’t want to spend all that time away from my community. For someone who spent most of his IB participating in various activities of dancing and singing, being in such a community renders me feeling useless, I think. I was faced with a similar situation back home in Namibia, as my interests were not necessarily focused in on in the town I live in, hence I would just stay home and wait for something to happen.
And now the problem with all this is that after this state of Limbo is over, and the next month is here, then I will still be facing these exact same questions, just that then, I won’t be thinking of them as often as I am right now. So, in order for me to ensure these ‘complaints of limbo’ are addressed, I need to figure what I should do with each of them.
- Apprenticeship- All of the other volunteers that work with me are students studying to become paramedics in University, hence the chances of me actually receiving training are quite low, but I wouldn’t say zero. I could either have a meeting with my supervisor and share with them my worries about me being there, maybe try and work out a way for me to receive some training, or I just find another apprenticeship to go with my current one. Reason for this being that this apprenticeship is solely based on whether or not we do have an event that requires some emergency first aid stand-by, however this does not always ensure the required 20 hours per week that I should be working.
- Not finding some of my interests- Maybe change what I find interesting. My host mom for example is a crafts instructor, I mean that should be something I pursue right, since the opportunity is presenting it self. So that’s settled.
- Spanish- well Rome wasn’t built in a day right, so If only I have patience, I’m sure it will come to me.
I guess time alone will tell if these will come to pass, however I sincerely hope that time will say some positive stuff. Sara, my team leader, gave me some pretty good advice. She said that I have to be patient and that my apprenticeship is but only in its beginning months of reestablishment, and also it’s their first time having a foreigner volunteering with them, so they are also still just figuring things out. So that’s what I’ll be doing. Patience is key for now.