First Blog Post

Aberdeen Bird - Brazil


August 26, 2015

July 30, 2015

32 days out.

Well hello, blog subscribers.  I leave in about a month for Brazil.

What.

Excuse me while I go assume the fetal position and stare blankly at a wall trying to muster up the courage to look at a calendar again.  

I decided to write my first blog when I was consumed by all my doubts rather than lifted by all of my anticipation.  

My worries, woes, and list of general distress:

I’m worried that I’m not going to pick up Portuguese fast enough.

I’m worried I won’t live up to what Global Citizen Year wants of me.

I’m worried people will die while I’m away.

I’m worried about coming back and having no friends.

I’m worried that my boyfriend and I won’t last even though we’ve discussed this thousands of times.

I’m worried that I’ll hurt my immersion by keeping in touch with people back home.

I’m worried that I won’t keep in touch with people back home enough.

I’m worried that I’ll catch a South American sickness and die.

I’m worried that I’ll get lost in a city.

I’m worried I’ll be kidnapped- shout out to whomever gave me that notion by saying “Don’t get kidnapped, kid”

I’m worried I’ll be eaten by piranha.

I’m worried that since I’m blonde I’ll be picked on and selected as a tourist- that’s what I’ve been told will happen.

I’m worried I won’t understand the money exchange.

I’m worried I won’t change the pieces of me that I want to improve.

I’m worried I’ll change too much.

I’m worried I’ll come back more confused about my life path than I am right now.

I’m worried I’ll have a mental break down from missing everyone too much.

I realized that I kept telling everyone I’m not nervous for this trip and that’s a load of bull.

I’m terrified for this trip and as you can see I have a boat load of fears.

Even on days like today where I feel like I’m drowning in my insecurities I still feel like my excitement outweighs the doubts by a landslide. I am very confident in myself. (the list above doesn’t seem to support that but I really am) I love challenges and I always have.  This year will probably be the hardest part of life I’ve ever encountered in that the difficulties are not of the same breed that I’ve handled.  

I started to worry about packing and then I told myself, as I always do:  “As long as you bring a toothbrush and some money you will probably be okay.”  

Here’s what I’m excited about:

Learning Portuguese, and most likely becoming fluent

I’m worried that I’m not going to pick up Portuguese fast enough.

I’m excited to show GCY that I can take what they throw at me.

I’m worried I won’t live up to what Global Citizen Year wants of me.

I will probably learn to worry less about things I cannot control.

I’m worried people will die while I’m away.

I am excited to make new friends and to come back and make new friends at Tufts as well, and I’m excited to show my friends of my adventures when I return.

I’m worried about coming back and having no friends.

I’m excited to improve my communication skills, my patience, and perseverance.  What will be, will be.  

I’m worried that my boyfriend and I won’t last even though we’ve discussed this thousands of times.

I’m excited to delve into this new culture.  I have the opportunity to spend 8 short months here and a larger opportunity to spend the rest of my life in the States, I can do this.

I’m worried that I’ll hurt my immersion by keeping in touch with people back home.

I’m excited to truly treasure the words I receive from loved ones back home.  I think I’ll appreciate more after this trip.

I’m worried that I won’t keep in touch with people back home enough.

I’m excited to see that my vaccines actually work……. ?

I’m worried that I’ll catch a South American sickness and die.

I’m excited to improve my conversational abilities and my navigational skills.

I’m worried that I’ll get lost in a city.

I’m excited to come back and tell that guy at the gym that I, in fact, did not get kidnapped… hopefully.

I’m worried I’ll be kidnapped- shout out to whomever gave me that notion by saying “Don’t get kidnapped, kid”

I’m excited to not be eaten by a piranha.

I’m worried I’ll be eaten by piranha.

I’m excited to appreciate other people’s home country and treat it as I would like any tourist to treat my home.

I’m worried that since I’m blonde I’ll be picked on and selected as a tourist- that’s what I’ve been told will happen.

I’m excited to barter at markets.

I’m worried I won’t understand the money exchange.

I’m excited to work on improving myself.

I’m worried I won’t change the pieces of me that I want to improve.

I’m excited to change. A lot.

I’m worried I’ll change too much.

I’m excited to come back with new interests and new understandings.

I’m worried I’ll come back more confused about my life path than I am right now.

I’m excited to come back and cherish my relationships more than ever.

I’m worried I’ll have a mental break down from missing everyone too much.

Well, there you have it, folks.  A very honest blog post from yours truly.  It isn’t a masterwork of writing, but it was a nice way to jot down what I’m feeling.  

I feel a bit better after this actually.  

Aberdeen’s first bit of advice:

Directly address and work through your fears instead of ignoring them.

Blind bravery isn’t bravery at all.

I guess that sums up tonight’s writing.  

Well, I guess I should add that I’m also excited to have Brazilian ways rub off on me.  

Maybe I’ll come back silky, and absolutely dripping in charisma, rhythm, and high quality coffee grounds.  I’ll forever be surrounded by a halo of aromatic java.  You’ll also always hear a blue macaw in the background when you talk to me in the future.

Okay it’s getting late.

Goodnight friends.

Aberdeen Bird