Expectation V. Need

Giselle Esquer - Brazil


October 4, 2018

August 31, 2018

Global Launch was not what I expected but it was definitely something I
needed. I’ve flipped through all the pages in my notebook at Global Launch
and I see a pattern. Every inspiration wrote or idea I wrote down has to do
with self reflection and expectations. What is it that I’m looking to get
out of my year? Better yet, what do I expect versus what I need from this
year?

Before I considered what colleges I would even think of applying to (if
any) I knew that I wanted to take a gap year. I wasn’t sure what I would do
or where I would go but I knew it was something I needed after three very
interesting years of high school. When college application time came senior
year the only application I submitted was to Global Citizen Year.
Fortunately, I was accepted. When I received the message all I remember was
staring at my phone and crying in line at Subway. As my final year of high
school went on I thought I had nothing to worry about because I couldn’t
relate to biggest and most common stress all my friends talked about in
regards to college. I knew I was going to the beautiful country of Brazil
and I was about to experience the best year of my life, everything just
seemed so perfect.

A year of ignorant bliss came to a screeching halt when it was finally time
to go off to Global Launch in San Francisco, only an hour long plane ride
north from home. The year that I dreamed of was beginning to become more of
a reality. I couldn’t quite point out a reason why but I knew this was
something I truly wanted. I thought I could use this year to just take a
break from the competitive education system back that surrounded me to find
focus of what my strengths were so that I could re-enter with a better idea
of what career path would do me best. These ideas quickly began to change.

Abby Falik spoke to us about mindfulness and even practiced it during a
session. She said, “if you can be here now, you can be there then,” and
that made me question every idea I had previously formulated about taking a
gap year. Frankly, I had the hardest time leaving my family, the first day
at Stanford I cried about seven times. I realized for my well being I
needed to zone in on what was happening around me, so I would be able to
focus while in country. I’ve stressed so much about needing to “build a
better future” through education and going to college but how would I be
able to do so without knowing my own strengths.

As hard as it may be to be away from my loving family and comfortable
routines I am excited to encounter the challenges that await in the year
ahead. I am excited to explore my potential and get to know myself. I’ve
started to lose my expectations and prepared myself to absorb what comes my
way.

Giselle Esquer