Change

Madeline Lisaius - Ecuador


September 18, 2013

When my flight landed at the San Francisco Airport on August 21st, I was really wishing I hadn’t had oatmeal for breakfast. I was planning on avoiding bananas when I got off the muggy plane. Because, as mom says, bananas and oatmeal “slow down the system.”

From my experience, change leads to constipation. And since this flight landed me in at the beginning of my bridge year, at the beginning of change, I didn’t need any extra reason for slow down. So finally stepping into the white noise-filled, bubble gum-scented airport, I wasn’t thinking about lifting my monstrous blue backpack off the baggage claim. I wasn’t thinking of reapplying my eyeliner to make a good first impression with the other fellows. I wasn’t even thinking about finding my shuttle’s meeting spot. I was thinking about
poop.

The week of training passed.

To cut to the part I’m sure you’re dying to hear, my bodily functions are actually happening normally. My question is, why?

At the redwood retreat where my bridge year began, I met an unexpected family in an unexpected home. At the Stanford seminars, I shared unconventional days and unconventional friendships. At my inside place, I’ve found unprecedented centeredness and unprecedented contentment.

I was vulnerable. My reality had radically changed. But I’m OK.

With each bowel movement this week, I’ve realized that change doesn’t cause my constipation. Maybe, it’s my fear and resistance to change that has been holding me up.

Not just literally.

Madeline Lisaius