blog #1

Esme Merritt-Dorosin


August 28, 2017

Well, here I am. Yesterday I left my first and only home, a little house in the quiet comfort of Carrboro, North Carolina, at 4:45 AM to start a journey that will indubitably change me forever. It's safe to say I'm still in shock. I arrived in California for the first time at 8:34 AM. The flight was nice, although being in first class did not distract me from my emotions and I cried the whole way (quietly, as the man next to me was sleeping). I was completely distraught to say the least. My whole life is back in NC… my family is my biggest emotional support because they understand me better than anyone else, save for a couple of my closest friends. 
I've never been away from them for longer than a month before, so this is a big step, but I imagine that a lot of other fellows are struggling with the same thing right now. I'm trying to be friendly and approachable but I'm struggling as it feels like I'm in limbo here at Stanford. Like I'm standing in the doorway to my future, and I can see it, it's right there, but I can't go in yet because they just re-did the floor and the paint's still drying. I sort of can't stand it. California is beautiful though, or at least the Stanford campus is. 
Anyway, when I am feeling stuck and lonely like this, writing out my thoughts is really helpful to me. If I can articulate my thoughts and feelings, it makes me feel in control of my mind. The feeling of control often eludes me, and I am worried that I will go crazy in Ecuador. I'll practice my mindfulness this week so that I can be strong for the next part of my journey.
Hasta luego!
Esme

Esme Merritt-Dorosin