Okay so I tried to write an intro about three times and I couldn't think of a good hook so this is what I've got; I am very nervous and very excited, and I think that those two have peacefully cancelled themselves out. I feel pretty good about everything right now. I could describe it almost like a balanced scale, which I am very grateful to have leading up to my departure. Of course now and again it tips much more to the nervous side when I really start thinking about what I’m about to do, but when I think about living in Ecuador, the excitement side weighs so much more. I think it’s important to accept the way I’m feeling and just roll with it. Nervousness is part of the experience, and honestly if I wasn’t nervous to be living in Ecuador for almost 8 months then I think I would have to have a talk with myself about denial. It feels nice to be balanced at the moment.
The goodbyes have begun and they feel sad, but in a different way than usual. I think it’s because this is a lingering kind of sad that is just barely there, and I get reminded of it when I drive past my friends’ houses and realize they aren’t there anymore. My joy has been the same way; it sneaks up, and moments that I used to take for granted are now the highlights of my day because I know that they won’t happen again for a long time.
To sum it up, here’s the current list of moments I am grateful for, so that me of the future or you of the now can see:
- Frenziedly putting puzzles together with my mom because it has become our new addiction. It’s nearly impossible to feel anxious when you’re trying to fit jigsaw pieces together at rapid speeds.
- Spending the morning drinking coffee, watching the sun glide over my house, and sitting next to my puppy while he gnaws at my hand.
- Being forced into playing video games with the two boys I babysit but then actually enjoying it.
- Sitting on the carpet with friends and talking about what we've been up to while trying our best not to think about how it's the last time we will see each other.
That's essentially how I have been feeling for the past month. Honestly it’s insane to me that a month from now I won’t be living in my house in my little bedroom with all the art posters on the wall. Although I have no idea how the next 8 months are going to pan out, thank you guys for being here through it all and supporting me. It means the world. To all my newly-bound college friends reading this, you will do amazing and it's going to be a great experience that I want to hear all about!!! Hope this wasn’t too long or too short for anybody, and I will post another blog in the near or distant future. Adiós!